what to do during sex as a female
Getting on top during sex can exist really intimidating, especially when missionary is your default and you've gotten comfy with information technology. Sooo, why prepare what isn't broken? Well, what if we told yous that woman-on-top tin can be the ultimate style to take control of your pleasance, make sex (especially penetrative sex activity) feel the fashion you always thought information technology should, and give you orgasms left and right? Convinced yet?
"Adult female-on-elevation is really the second most pop sexual position later missionary. This is considering the woman controls the depth of penetration, the intensity and angle of thrust, and her own stimulation," explains intimacy coach and strategist Duchess Iphie.
This popular sex position allows the woman or receiving partner to take control—setting the tone and motions for how ~sexy time~ will play out and feel. It'southward too a very yummy position to assist bring yous to orgasm, as most people with vulvas find it hard to orgasm through penetration alone. Beingness on top allows for both more than control and the ability to easily contain sex toys for added stimulation. "You can use a vibrator while your partner is stimulating you in a unlike fashion," says certified Latinx sexual health expert and founder of Howl at the Womb, Cindy Luquin.
Not simply can the girl-on-top position provide more pleasance, but it can besides be extremely empowering! "It allows him to run across her in all her glory equally a woman, which tin be both empowering and erotic, every bit you see his want for you," says Iphie. (This goes for partners of all genders—letting your lover run into y'all in control can be incredibly hot.)
And if you tend to feel shy in the bedroom but want to work on your conviction, this move is bang-up practice for that. "It could be a really neat position for practicing how to take command during sexual activity, if someone wants to exist more dominant in bed, evidently with the consent and willingness of their partner," says Luquin.
Listen, existence on height tin be super vulnerable. Like, being all naked up there tin bring up stupid fears about how y'all look or whether you lot're secretly bad in bed. Is in that location a correct way to move, and is that what you're doing?! The pressure!
Only here's the affair: There are tons of helpful tips and tricks to mastering adult female-on-acme sex. From spelling certain words with your hips, grabbing onto a surface to stabilize yourself, and calculation toys into the mix, at that place are several actionable ways to meliorate your on-peak experience. And if information technology'southward actually not for you, that's totally valid. We've even got tips on how to tell your partner in a fashion that won't make you feel nervous or put on the spot.
Below, sexperts and educators share their top tips for mastering this position without breaking a sweat, based on questions they get all the time.
1."Does woman-on-top sex have to involve penetration?"
Not. at. all. There are so many means y'all can get on acme and get off that don't involve penetration. Grinding, fingering, and clitoral stimulation are but a few non- P-in-V options. And grinding doesn't only have to involve P-on-5 or V-on-V—you lot can also receive oral sex while on tiptop by hovering ("sitting") above your partner's mouth while they perform, or moving dorsum and forth.
When it comes to having fun in the bedchamber, communication is central. Yous tin can tell your partner, "I retrieve it'd exist really hot if you put your finger here, or if yous touch me there," says Luquin. If you desire to increase pleasure, lube tin can help by making penetration easier. Y'all can fifty-fifty incorporate arousal gels to increase sensation even more.
However you're choosing to get on meridian, just remember to breathe and be in the moment. "Information technology's of import to stay in your trunk," says Luquin. "Think about what feels right, and slow down if you need to. It's not a race. A lot of people turn to porn when information technology comes to sex, but y'all don't take to perform like you're in a porn picture."
2. "How practice I prevent my knees from hurting while on top?"
We get information technology—getting on tiptop can be tiring! It can put a lot of pressure on the back and knees, making it feel the opposite of sexy. Ladies, we're working hard upwardly there! Luckily, there are plenty of accessories on the market that can assistance back up you, like sex pillows and wedges. Luquin suggests placing some house pillows nether your knees for back up and to ground yourself.
Likewise, don't be afraid to inquire your partner for assistance. "If they're able to, enquire your partner to hold y'all in place, and help them help y'all figure out how to shift your body to a more than comfortable position," says Luquin. "Incorporating them but makes it more fun, it helps build communication, and helps you both figure out how your bodies can better fit together, instead of you lot existence the i who's doing all of the work."
3. "How do I become on top if my partner and I are on the larger side?"
Contrary to what is commonly portrayed in porn, all bodies tin have enjoyable woman-on-height sex activity—you just have to detect a position that's comfortable and pleasurable for both you and your partner.
"Many think this position isn't for those who are larger in size because stomachs and other body parts can make it the fashion, making it more hard to bounce upwards and down. A better mode might be to rock your hips to and fro once he's inside you," explains Iphie. "This ensures that he stays in, and at that place is less likelihood of him slipping out of you lot at a pivotal moment, such equally while reaching orgasm. This move also adds less pressure to the knees as you don't have to bounce very high." This as well applies to non-penis-having partners using strap-ons to penetrate.
4. "I have a hard time orgasming in this position. Are there whatsoever toys that can help?"
About of u.s.a. can't orgasm with penetration alone, so go ahead and throw some stimulating toys into the mix: "I dearest toys and always employ them during sexual activity! If I'm in cowgirl, I like to opt for a bullet vibe or a small wand because it's easier for me to achieve my clit and non overwhelm myself with sensations," says Cheyenne Davis, writer and founder of Unveild, a sex and kink positive publication for Black and Dark-brown folx. Wear vibes, couples' toys and vibrating cock rings tin can likewise make a big difference.
5. "I'one thousand feeling really cocky-witting right now and I detest being on superlative. Any communication?"
"I ordinarily despise beingness on top!" says Davis. "As a fatty femme who normally has partners who are smaller than I am, I didn't e'er feel supported when I got on top. I normally did nigh of the work, and it turned me off very chop-chop. However, later trying information technology with a more caring and pleasure-centric partner, I institute the best way to get nearly information technology is to practise it where nosotros are both sitting, and I tin rock my hips rather than bounce with unsteady knees." Basically, go alee and move around (and communicate with your partner!) until you lot find what feels right to yous.
Likewise worth remembering: "If you do feel uncomfortable beingness on superlative, you can e'er communicate that and try other positions. I am a firm laic of constant and clear communication and consent during sex activity, and it is totally okay if a position merely isn't working," says Davis. "I call up we don't humanize sex enough and think it's always then pristine and perfect, when in fact it's deliciously messy, funny, bad-mannered and beautiful."
6. "What are the easiest things to go on in mind to master adult female-on-acme?"
Go out of your head and try not to overthink the procedure, suggests sexologist Malika O'Neill, LPC, and founder and CEO of The Pleasure Collective, LLC. Overthinking things might lead to psyching yourself out, and O'Neill says this is typically where people will find themselves either going off rhythm, or being so anxious they aren't able to find pleasure in the experience.
"Remember you're in control and allow that to brand you feel powerful. Let your hips guide you and exercise well-nigh of the work," suggests O'Neill, calculation that if you try to piece of work out your entire body while on top, it'll tire you out faster and you'll likely lose stamina.
7. "Is there any particular rhythm you should try to move to during woman-on-acme? I've heard (or read) that you should endeavour to spell 'coconut' with your hips while on top. Why does this fox work? Are at that place any other like shooting fish in a barrel tricks or words you can spell while on top to make it seem like you know what you're doing?"
The "coconut" trick is great, because it'due south all rounded letters that are easy to "spell" with your hips. O'Neill likewise suggests trying to spell the give-and-take "cowgirl." Go at a medium pace that allows you and your partner to feel each rhythm or letter of the alphabet—this not simply allows yous to slow down enough to make things pleasurable, merely you're also able to judge your partner'southward reaction and trunk linguistic communication to come across which letters they enjoy more others.
Some other piece of cake trick O'Neill suggests for Riding 101 is to attempt to create the letters "Due west" or "M" with your hips too. You can also have you lot or your partner endeavour to create the alphabetic character "O" in ho-hum motion, she suggests.
Go creative with it! If you or your partner find you have a penchant for rounded letters or letters with lots of peaks and dips like "Due west" or "M," contain those into your hip rhythm. You don't even have to ~spell~ annihilation. No one will tell if yous're just hip-typing out "WWWWWWWWWWWWWW" a meg times over if that's what floats your boat!
8. "How do I tell my partner if I don't enjoy being on peak?"
"We tend to be our near vulnerable selves while in sexual situations with our partners, so being strategic here could be of import," says O'Neill. She suggests either directing your partner to a different position that focuses on what you desire rather than what you don't like. Positives over negatives, always! You can say something like, "I love when you take me from behind," instead of, "I don't like beingness up here."
O'Neill also tells her clients to endeavor to communicate using "the compliment sandwich," aka, sandwiching a comment near something you lot don't similar between ii compliments. This might await similar, "I dearest when y'all take me from backside. I don't honey existence on top, but that's because you're simply and then good at beingness in control, it makes sex feel so good for me." So, begin means you can brand your partner feel practiced without getting in a position y'all don't like. Compromise!
9. "At that place'due south a stigma that women who don't enjoy being on top are 'lazy.' Should I feel guilty if I don't similar being on top? What are some very valid reasons you might non like being on acme?"
Offset things first: Never experience guilty or bad about yourself for non wanting to be on height (or anything else during a sexual state of affairs in general), says O'Neill. It's your body, and the whole point of sex is to provide a pleasurable experience for you and your partner. If both people aren't enjoying it, what's the betoken? As for some very valid reasons you might not be into being on top, O'Neill says you might just adopt when your partner is in control, or you might experience sexual pain when on summit for a diverseness of reasons. Yous might also but not feel comfortable with your partner getting to run into that much of you, which… valid! More on that later.
Basically, just don't be afraid to vocalisation your preferences and never experience obligated to get on top if you detest information technology just considering you don't want to seem "lazy"—that'due south just not true.
10. "No, but seriously: How do I get over any insecurity about my looks while on superlative?"
Luckily, this one is all mental. "Nosotros tend to have an thought from porn that nosotros need to be sitting straight upwardly for his visual pleasure, and that we need to take a perfect trunk to do and then," says Elena Lynn Wolfbrandt, a sexuality double-decker who specializes in female sexuality. In reality, if yous're having sex with a man, "it's 99% guaranteed that he's having an amazing time, no matter what you're doing," says Wolfbrandt.
Tap into your inner diva and make the moment all about y'all and your pleasure. You know how dudes won't realize you cut x inches off your hair for weeks until you literally bring upwards the fact that you lot did so? There's your proof that he won't be criticizing your torso or annihilation to the degree you lot're worried about.
If you lot wanna take a mental break and step away from the showgirl spotlight for a moment, you can also try getting on elevation while belly-to-belly, or even shut your legs and squeeze to become more clitoral pleasance, adds Wolfbrandt.
11. "How do I get into the position?"
Wondering how to segue gracefully over your partner's body? "Begin past kneeling over your partner and gently lower yourself downward," explains Antonia Hall, sex and relationship expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. "From there, it's easy to bounce up and down or stone your hips, adjusting your angle to stimulate your clitoris," she adds. You can also endeavour squatting with your feet apartment. You lot'll demand more than balance, but information technology opens your hips for deeper penetration.
12. "What exercise I hold onto during woman-on-height?"
Wondering how to segue gracefully over your partner's body? "Begin by kneeling over your partner and gently lower yourself downwards," explains Antonia Hall, sex and relationship skillful and writer of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life . "From there, information technology's easy to bounce up and downward or rock your hips, adjusting your angle to stimulate your clitoris," she adds. You can as well endeavor squatting with your anxiety apartment. You lot'll need more balance, but it opens your hips up for deeper penetration.
13. "Why exercise people always say being on top is better for women, anyway?"
"You have more command over the speed, angle, and intensity, so it makes it easier to continue it at a rhythm that's actually doing it for you. Your vulva and clitoris are besides very accessible, and the vast bulk of women find intercourse much more pleasurable if they are also stroking or existence stroked in this area," Layla Martin, sexpert and writer of Wild Woman in the Sleeping accommodation , explains. And and so in that location'south also the mental element of command: Taking the reins and doing things exactly 👏 how 👏you lot 👏desire 👏 can experience beyond hot.
Being on top also gives y'all an opportunity to practice new tricks both you and your partner can enjoy. "Because she controls the depth and pace of the thrust, she can exercise 'edging,' which is where she gets to the point of virtually having an orgasm and stops the thrusts so that the feeling fades away," adds Iphie. "Edging can exist fun for both partners, as they can both experience it during sex."
fourteen. "Okay, just what tin can you try if you're having trouble getting the right angle when you're on top?"
Yeah, in theory information technology makes sense that being on top lets your clit get more stimulation, but if that bending just isn't happening for yous, you've got options. To observe that sweet spot, Martin suggests moving your body forward and back very slowly, and left to right, to see if y'all tin discover any slight differences in sensation. Basically, troubleshoot!
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Too deep? No problem. "If you're uncomfortable because the penetration feels too deep, you lot can try lying forward and propping yourself up on your hands or forearms virtually like y'all're in a missionary position," Martin offers. And don't go discouraged if yous don't become there right away. "The central is to not get caught upwardly thinking it's not working and yous demand to ready it, simply to focus instead on sensually discovering the spot that holds the greatest pleasure for you."
15. "How do yous effigy out how to move your body?"
Once yous've found the perfect bending, you can yet become bogged down on how to motion, particularly if you think you have to be a dancer or someone with impeccable natural rhythm in club to nail it. Merely all you demand is practice! Hall suggests starting by making small, tiresome adjustments to your hips or body until you hit that sweetness spot.
"Y'all tin use your leg muscles and cadre to move up and downward, then carefully lean forward or back to bring things into alignment," Hall says. "Your hands can go on the bed for support and remainder as yous motion into positions that feel groovy for you, and what feels expert often changes, then you lot should feel comfortable adjusting every bit desired."
16. "What can I try if I just go actually tired really quickly when I'm on top?"
Information technology's no surprise that being on acme exerts a liiiiiiittle more energy than just lying there and noticing all the cracks in your ceiling. Martin says you lot can ever tedious way downwardly, but adds, "The biggest thing is to remember to breathe. If you lot've ever done intensive workouts, yous can get much farther and longer if you breathe deeply. This volition seem totally natural since people tend to breathe much more intensively during sex." Deep inhales and exhales can aid you focus on sensation and not become exhausted so speedily.
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You can also let your partner take over for a flake. "Sexual activity is a dance," Halls says. And your partner is probably going to move their hips a little too, considering it feels amazing. She also recommends leaning forward so you're lying on top of your partner in a sort-of missionary pose to ease the strain (and signal to them that they tin contribute to the thrusting likewise).
17. "Are there any workouts y'all can do to brand on-top sex better for you?"
"Great sexual stamina comes from strength in your large musculus groups and a proficient cardio routine," Hall says. "Working on your legs and cadre will actually help in the bedroom. I also always propose doing Kegels, which tin can assistance strengthen your pelvic muscles, which means bigger, better orgasms."
eighteen. "Are in that location any variations of the traditional 'on summit of my partner, facing them' position? And WTF are they?"
You've got other choices! For i, y'all can swing your way into reverse cowgirl, which Martin suggests tin be "hugely liberating." This is basically staying on top of the penis or strap-on, but leaning on your forearms, or sitting up, facing your partner's toes instead of their face up.
"Woman-on-summit doesn't ever have to be the man on his back and the woman sitting, kneeling or squatting on superlative. She could prevarication on top of him, sit on height with her legs straight out facing him while he is sitting upwardly, sit down on his lap while he is sitting on a chair, or he could be on his back with his knees to his chest and she sits on his penis––all of these are tweaks to the woman-on-acme position," says Iphie.
But there's more! "There'south an advanced position where you lot are facing forward and you lean to one side, and place that hand down to support yourself and give your pelvis a lite lift. The extra support and slight elevator of your pelvis means you can undulate up and downward with more than range in your pelvis, and this can be super erotic," Martin explains.
nineteen. "What are some practiced toys to add to woman-on-elevation sex?"
Many women tin can't orgasm from P-in-V sex lone, so it can be good to throw in an accompaniment. Hall says this is a groovy position for incorporating vibrators, and recommends a handheld clitoral stimulator like the Underground Mimic, a couples vibrator like the Nosotros-Vibe Sync, or a vibrating cock band similar the LELO TOR ii.
20. "Is there any fashion yous could hurt yourselves with on-height sex?"
Woman-on-tiptop sex is actually the most mutual position for penile fracturing, but it'southward still not insanely common or easy to do. The main matter to do, co-ordinate to Hall, is ease into things slowly every fourth dimension, because you tin can injure your partner if you lot lean in a mode that bends their penis uncomfortably, or bounce up and down and so quickly that you lot fall on a bad bending and hurt or even break their penis. So, once again: Accept it sloooooow.
21. "What if I can't relax?"
In that location are tons of other benefits to getting on meridian that you might not have realized. "Sex is very psychological, and for women to feel their deepest orgasms, there are parts of their brain that need to go silent that have to do with judgement and command," says Martin. When yous're on your back, you lot might actually exist more than caught up in your caput, just when y'all're on height, you're forced to concentrate more on the concrete deed, which tin can help yous actually let go.
So, permit go! Let yourself get caught up in the moment and try to motion picture yourself as the sexual activity goddess you lot are while you lot rock your partner'south earth, considering trust us—that's exactly how they're seeing you, besides, and y'all deserve to enjoy that.
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Source: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/positions/q-and-a/a816/master-woman-on-top/
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